Interesting process is going on now that I am observing. 


Listening Vishen Lakhiani "conscious engineering" webinar, I have realised that he "hit the nail in the head" through people being programmed to the certain life style, "the norm", that is acceptable by the society and hence automatically is right for u. The whole matrix of life from the moment we are born we have to follow certain rules from what age we start asking, talking, going to school, college what clothes to wear, what religion to follow, getting a job, working hard to gain success, having family, having kids and it like "one size fits all" recipe with a slight variations here and there.Sometime some of us break through those rules and become individuals recognised and judged by others but forced to be accepted as their models of life has worked well for them. The are other types of individuals who doesn't get recognised but not because their ideas are bad but because its not what they looking for or they gave up trying and become normal in order to make a living.
It is so true that the need to belong is driving people away or towards each other. The fact that you install into our head all of the ideas automatically without questioning it tells a lot. That is why I feel like an alien quiet often since I was a child as I felt most comfortable in my own company and than with my beloved partner, but I still constantly resist the second I feel that I am loosing my freedom to live or think or plan and I start to feel depressed or confused and loose my focus...I never felt comfortable taking on ideas and cultural behaviour just because... I always wanted to keep my individuality and decide to dedicate my life to it through helping women to open it up in themselves.
Being a Personal Trainer, I am using yoga and pilates, and nutrition and different types of exercises as tools to open people up. However, I don't label myself nor want to be labled as Yogi or Hard Core trainer... Because I don't share every single view with them. I don't live yogic lifestyle but I have adapted certain things into my life from it and simply want others to benefit from it as well.
I think that is one of the main struggles I have in my head that if I don't do meditation daily, or perform yoga sequence from top to bottom, I haven't done it at all...I am in the process of changing that thinking though and explaining myself that the fact that I am talking about it, doing even a 1 little thing like breathing or self search, self development, helping other to realise their potential is what keeps me going and makes me unique with my own style... That doesn't fit into any other frame/tribe/community... So I am going to start my own tribe or community ;-)!

Thoughts that came to mind while on a plane...

Here are a few notes from earlier that months before the big crush was about to happen and decided to work myself harder than ever...


"Omg!!! Todays is One of the most amazing days of my life."

It might sound like I am exaggerating a bit but for me it is a wake up call!
All of my ideas that I have had in my head, nuirishing and growing like a little baby, from the moment of conceving to the birth, just have been shown to me... In another country by another gal, who thinks the way I think and has gone through the similar roller coster of her fitness journey.. Don't we all?!..
However, it was amazing to see that I am not alone in this world and there are people who wants to share that it is not about punishing your body or soul through going from one extreme to another, but through love. It is also important that you can change it all..

I have an overwhelminh feeling of relief, happiness, sadness, fear and excitement! Is it a call for action? Is it a resistance to show me I am too late? Is it encouragment? A kind guidence from the Universe?... Taking Lori's advise, I am just going to go with it and see where it takes me... Not to rush, but rather take things one step at a time in the right direction."


And so my journey has begun. I've signed up for a 6 week Coaching Program and all of a sudden during my first week of Gratitude Lesson, I have gone though hell in order to get to heaven by the end of it"...And the funny thing is, I feel grateful!

It has been amazing week! I definitly had to go through all of my steps to come where I am at the moment.

It is 10:21 in the morning on Saturday..which I have started by lying in ..having my meditation and and than with a huge smile on my face cooked myself amazing meal and ate it without any rush and distractions… Now, for some it might sound like not a big deal, but not if you felt the way I felt in the last few months where  I nearly was chocking on my food everytime I ate as it was always in the rush with a 1000 thoughts in my head on how to get all the things I need done and be on time to not anyone down.

I have made a note to myself few days ago to stop putting everyone around me first and return back to pleasing myself first, than when I am ready to go and “safe the World”.

So this week everything started to pile up on me and at first I felt irritation and constant feeling of exhaustion..than I felt that I lost my appetite, strength to train, than it was feeling of apathy and all I could see is my bed and pillow. I felt like hibernating for a few months without any one disturbing me..ever! Post exhaustion of your body is the next stage when you become num to everything..and you loose the ability to sleep and switch off. I went for a massage, went for osteopath…and all I could ask them for is to do whatever they needed to do because all I could feel is a need to sleep the second I lay down…Funny enough, both asked me if I was left handed? Which I am not..It made me think why? One of the answers was that it seems that my left side is more developed and I thought "well, possibly is because I train it with emphasis to make sure it is not waker than my right side.."

Well, my massage therapist seemed to think differently..According to holistic medicine, Left side represents how much we take on in our life…and if we take too much on board and trying to do to many things at once, it simply overworks and that is where all of your emotions pile up and manifests in our body’s tension, ache and pain.

Today I feel like I am on the way of self help and self care. I am so blessed to meet this person in my life as he hit the nail in the head by saying that I do “TOO MUCH”. I always stressed about running from place to place, working with my clients and being so hard on myself to give everyone 100% and more that I forget about giving myself at least 100% of me time. No more. I have made a decision to start enjoying my life and start with enjoying my meals, my sleep ins, my dear task, making my house beautiful, folding my clothing away, enjoying my cup of tea or coffee…and give my self breaks about which I tell everyone else but forget that I also a human being who needs it…time to recharge!